The Pursuit of Un-Success

I am the actor you've most likely never seen on stage, the singer you've probably never listened to. I am the runner who places in the middle of the pack on a good day, and brings up the rear on a bad. I am the CrossFitter you'll be cheering on to finish the WOD, rooting for me to get that first pull-up.

What compels me to pursue these things, when for all intents and purposes I never succeed at them? What can it be that pulls me back audition after audition, race after race, disappointing workout after workout? Is it a masochistic sense of denial that these accomplishments are beyond me? Or could it be a deeper understanding; that the pursuit of these goals is truly the challenge that fulfills me, and not the achievement?

I wish I could honestly say that it's the latter explanation that drives what I do. However, I honestly think it's more that I'm a stubborn little devil, and I hate to not get my way! Put it this way - if doing all of this work is getting me nowhere, then how could NOT doing anything possibly achieve more for me?

It's not really that I'm discontent. I just want more for myself, and that I ask more of myself.

To the outside observer, it seems rather pointless. Somewhat as though I spend my days chasing my own tail. Perhaps I am running around in circles.... Perhaps within each of these pursuits I am missing something key. Maybe I just need someone to stretch their hands out, grab a hold of my tail and wait for me to grab on.

Until then, I'll sing my audition songs. I'll line up in my designated race corral and finish when I finish. I'll work on those negatives, use my assisted pull up bands and keep working on my kip in the hope that today it will propel my chest to the bar.

And I will try to keep a smile on my face and remind myself that I choose to do these things, regardless of how much I may suck at them :)


  1. You do not suck at running- you are an amazing runner and my running inspiration! :)

    You my sweet friend are wonderful! I'm so glad to have you in my life.

    Love ya!

  2. Life wouldn't be fun if you were always first.

    Also, when you do come up first you know you worked your ass off for it.

  3. success is all relative. you need to be more of the half full crowd ;)

  4. Meri - I wouldn't say that I'm of the half-empty crowd, not at all. What I find intriguing about this is that when viewed from the outside most of life's pursuits seem fruitless. They very rarely, if ever, have any tangible markers of success. It's up to the participant to keep sight of the actual purpose (in my case, fun and sadomasochism) when confronted with the observer's viewpoint.

    Besides, not all of us can place in our age group :)

  5. Excellence is a Universal Striving.

    --Tom Peters

    Your one of the reasons I get up in the morning. Good luck Sunday!


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